Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse: Insights from a Survivor and Practitioner

Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse: Insights from a Survivor and Practitioner

Healing from childhood sexual abuse is a deeply personal and often challenging journey. Recognising your specific needs in this process is an important step toward recovery. Naturally, there is so much that could be said on this topic. From the many clients I have supported and my own personal journey of recovery, below are some key needs you might have as a client healing from childhood sexual abuse.

1. A Safe and Trustworthy Space

• • Emotional Safety: A need to feel that the therapy space is safe—emotionally and physically. This means being in an environment where your thoughts and feelings are validated and received respectfully, without judgment, shame, or fear of invalidation. Additionally, creating and experiencing emotional safety is also an internal job, which includes finding ways to support yourself in achieving it, perhaps for the first time. That alone was life-changing for me.
  • Trust in Your Therapist: Establishing trust with your therapist is an invaluable part of the therapeutic process. You may have difficulty trusting others due to past experiences, so it’s important that your therapist demonstrates reliability, respect and consistency, and that you resonate with them. Trust is a powerful topic to explore as for all individuals who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, trust was betrayed – leading to mistrust of others and internalising mistrust as mistrust in oneself. From such a place, mistrust can often become the norm and often the lens through which one views life: “I don’t trust anyone”, “people can’t be trusted,” etc. This awareness made perfect sense to me. I had trusted those adults who were very close to me and they betrayed that trust. If I couldn’t trust them, then who could I trust? So, being able to discuss this confusion around trust (in the present) and exploring what factors might be necessary to get a different experience of trust in the future is a process. When done well, I’ve found this to be life-changing.

2. Validation and Empathy

• • Acknowledgment of Your Pain: It’s essential to feel that your experiences and emotions are understood and validated. The feelings you carry—whether anger, sadness, shame, confusion, etc —are real. You would likely benefit from a therapist who understands (not necessarily from firsthand experience) and empathises with what you’ve been through, without minimising or dismissing it.
  • Understanding Your Experience: You may want to feel that your trauma is not being pathologised. It’s important for your therapist to acknowledge the complexity of your experiences and how they have shaped who you are today without putting you in a box. What you experienced was not your fault, and your emotional responses are valid and typical for someone with your history.

3. Healing from Shame and Guilt

• • Releasing Self-Blame: Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse internalise feelings of shame or guilt. One could describe guilt as “I did something wrong,” whereas shame could be described as “I am wrong” (and if I was fundamentally different, I ‘might’ be lovable, acceptable, etc.) You may benefit from support in processing and questioning the validity of the beliefs you have about what happened to you, including the potential belief that you were responsible for it. Exploration with an experienced practitioner can help you separate the trauma from your sense of self-worth.
  • Developing Compassion for Yourself: Self-compassion is essential in healing from abuse. You might benefit from help in learning how to be kind and gentle with yourself, especially when your inner critic is strong or you feel unworthy of receiving love and care. I regularly remind myself that if certain critical thoughts arise about myself or another, “If it’s not coming from a place of love, compassion or fun, then I’m on the wrong track.” And so, yes, I have many ways of welcoming, embracing and processing triggers. One of those tools might be, “What would love and compassion say about this (whatever is arising in the present moment)?” For brevity, I’ll leave that there.

4. Emotional Regulation, Stability and Coping Skills

• • Managing Intense Emotions: You may experience overwhelming emotions like sadness, anger, or anxiety. Therapeutic support can provide you with tools to manage these emotions confidently and effectively, helping you find healthier ways to cope when difficult feelings arise so that you feel you are in control of your body rather than your body controlling you.
  • Understanding Your Triggers: Childhood trauma often results in specific triggers that can evoke intense reactions. Learning what triggers you (we might call these our unique ‘sensitivities’), how to intercept and respond without escalation, and developing grounding techniques to help you manage such moments is essential for your well-being and confidence.
  • Stability: Clients often need help finding stability in their emotional and physical lives, which might include establishing routines, certain practices (see below), safe environments, and managing triggers that could cause distress.
  • Grounding and Relaxation Techniques: Methods like mindfulness, grounding exercises, shaking, and breathing techniques can help you manage distressing emotions or flashbacks, which can be common, especially in the early stages of healing.

5. Processing the Trauma

• • Somatic Experiencing: Somatic Experiencing is a therapeutic approach that focuses on the body’s sensations to facilitate release of stored tension and trauma. It encourages you to become more aware of your physical response to stress, enabling you to process and release emotional and physical trauma without becoming overwhelmed. By gently guiding the body through sensations, Somatic Experiencing helps restore a sense of safety and control, promoting healing and resilience over time. (There are a range of supportive modalities, which I’ll explore in a separate post.)
  • Gradual Exploration of the Trauma: Healing sometimes involves revisiting the past, but that does not mean re-living traumatic events. The support of an experienced practitioner can help you explore the impact of traumatic experiences at your own pace, respecting your readiness to process them in your time, in your way.
  • Integrating the Trauma into Your Life: As you process the trauma, it’s important to integrate the experience into your current identity in a way that doesn’t define you, but adds to you in terms of character —helping you reclaim your life beyond the abuse.

6. Building Self-Esteem and Empowerment

• • Reclaiming Your Strength: Childhood abuse often strips away a sense of personal power, resulting in disempowerment or learned helplessness. You may need to rebuild your self-esteem and recognise that your inner strength and resilience were always present; they were simply hidden, locked away or compartmentalised. This might also involve developing self-compassion, self-worth, and recognising your ability to survive and heal from the trauma.
  • Learning to Make Empowered Choices: You may have felt powerless during your abuse, so part of your healing is learning to take control of your life again. You might need support in making decisions that are in line with your true self, whether in your relationships, career, or personal growth.

7. Establishing Healthy Boundaries

• • Protecting Yourself Emotionally and Physically: Learning how to set and enforce boundaries is crucial to your healing. Having had your boundaries dishonoured, therapeutic support can assist you in developing and embodying boundaries from the inside-out. This can help you build the confidence to assert your needs and say “no” when you mean no and when something doesn’t feel right. A point of reflection could be, “Can I have the courage to speak my truth AND not be attached to being validated or received by the other in the way that I would like?” This offers true freedom. It’s another way of “insourcing”—taking care of yourself, your needs, and being committed and confident in your ability to honour what’s true for you on the inside, instead of seeking validation from others or allowing others to treat you in ways that are not okay.
  • Respecting Your Own Needs: You also need to feel that your emotional and physical boundaries are respected within the therapeutic relationship. Establishing and maintaining these boundaries is a sign of your healing and reclaiming autonomy over your body and spirit.

8. Rebuilding Trust in Others

• • Slowly Reconnecting with Others: Trusting others again can be a major challenge. Therapy can support you in gradually rebuilding trust, starting with yourself, the therapeutic relationship (you and your chosen practitioner), and then extending to other relationships in your life—whether romantic, familial, or platonic.
  • Learning to Be Vulnerable: You might have closed off parts of yourself due to fear of being hurt again. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore vulnerability and connection with others at your pace, in healthy and respectful ways.

9. Addressing the Impact on Relationships

• • Intimacy and Relationships: Childhood sexual abuse can affect a person’s ability to form healthy relationships, especially intimate ones. As you heal, you may want to form new, healthy relationships, yet find yourself also experiencing resistance, fear or concern, which can be confusing. Therapy can help you to address these feelings and learn how to build connections based on respect, trust, and mutual care.
  • Family Dynamics and Improving Relationships with Loved Ones: The trauma may impact family relationships. Therapy can help individuals navigate these dynamics, especially if family members were involved or if there are unresolved conflicts related to the abuse. You may need support in navigating complex relationships, learning how to communicate your needs, and addressing intimacy issues.

10. Grief and Mourning

• • Grieving What Was Lost: Healing from childhood sexual abuse may involve mourning the loss of a healthy childhood, the safety and security that should have been present in your life, or the innocence that was taken from you. You might need space to grieve those aspects of your life that were impacted by trauma, including significant developmental stages.
  • Allowing Yourself to Heal: Grief involves embracing that healing is a process. You may need to allow yourself to feel sadness, frustration, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance, and give yourself permission to move through the stages of healing without judgment.
  • Rituals of Healing: Some survivors may benefit from creating rituals or healing ceremonies to honour their journey or to symbolise letting go of certain things &/or inviting in others.

11. Cultural Sensitivity and Personal Values

• • Respect for Cultural Context: Your healing journey may be influenced by your cultural background, religious beliefs, and values. It’s important for your therapist to approach the healing process in a culturally sensitive manner, incorporating these factors as necessary.
  • Individualised Healing Path: Healing is a personal process, and therapy should be tailored to meet your unique needs. This may involve different therapeutic approaches, such as talk therapy, trauma-focused therapy, art therapy, or somatic therapy, depending on your individual preferences and needs.

12. Hope and Vision for the Future

• • Envisioning a Life Beyond Trauma: As you heal, you might want to explore what you want your life to look like moving forward. Therapy can help you cultivate hope for the future, focus on your goals, and begin to envision a life not defined by trauma.
  • Self-Discovery: Survivors often need help redefining themselves beyond their experiences of abuse. Therapy can assist you in exploring and reframing your identity, enabling you to move forward with a sense of agency.
  • Personal Growth: Therapy can help you cultivate strengths, talents, and aspects of your personality that were overshadowed by trauma, supporting your growth toward a fulfilling life.
  • Reclaiming Joy: You may also benefit from support in rediscovering joy and pleasure in life—whether through hobbies, creative expression, time spent in nature, or moments with friends and loved ones. Healing isn’t just about processing pain; it’s also about reconnecting with your true essence and reclaiming your capacity for joy.

13. Ongoing Support

• • Continuing Therapy and Support Networks: Healing and integration doesn’t end after a few sessions. You may benefit from medium to long-term therapy as you continue working through your trauma. Support groups or trusted friends and family can also be helpful and sometimes invaluable in maintaining progress.
  • Self-Care: Learning to care for yourself—physically, emotionally, psychologically, energetically, and spiritually—can be an important part of your healing process. Guidance on developing self-care routines that nurture your well-being and resilience can also be beneficial.

Final Thoughts

Healing from childhood sexual abuse is complex and non-linear, requiring a deep level of care, compassion, and support. Each survivor’s journey is unique and meeting these basic needs can help individuals work through their trauma, and reclaim a sense of peace, safety, empowerment, and wholeness.

I believe in your ability to fully heal, recover, and thrive on your journey, with a reminder that you are yet to live some of the most wonderful days of your life…