Adolescence

“When people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them” – Maria Popova

Adolescence is in many ways a challenging period in life but it is also a becoming of sorts, a growing into, a period of moving away from and challenging what you have been told to believe as true, to finding your way in life, to deepening your connection with and fine-tuning your sense of self, identity or persona that feels right to you on the inside versus one that is expected of you.

At times it can feel like a rite of passage because it is one; like being thrown into the turbulence of a washing machine cycle and feeling under-resourced and ill-equipped to deal with what life is seemingly throwing at you. Things may have happened when you were younger or even during your teenage years that may have caused you to grow up too quickly, or that may have affected your self-confidence and sense of worth. The imprint of such experiences may be continuing to drive your life in ways that are not serving you today.

How are you expected to cope with such challenges when you have not developed the tools, awareness, and knowledge to do so, yet? Well, you aren’t, and that isn’t a criticism. In fact, the opposite is true AND, herein lies part of the problem, you find that you judge yourself for it. You may tell yourself that you are wrong, that you are insufficient, not good enough, that you are not likeable, loveable, or if people only knew who you really were they wouldn’t want to be your friend or spend time with you. You may find yourself struggling to cope with the intensity of emotions inside, not knowing how to make sense of them, not knowing what to do with them.

And when you were younger, doing the best you could with the skills, knowledge, and resources that were available to you, you developed coping strategies to protect yourself from feeling such painful emotions. Today, you may find yourself spending time with people who you know are not good for you. You may self-harm or numb and check out with alcohol or other drugs or you may seek out the nicotine hit of cigarettes. You may isolate and withdraw from your peer groups or you may masturbate to porn that leaves you feeling empty and disconnected inside. You may waste hours on social media or gossiping about others, which is both draining and anxiety provoking, whilst deep down knowing that the only person in control of who you are, the choices you make, and how you choose to spend your life, is you. All of these coping strategies are an attempt to self-soothe, to calm the intensity inside, to regain some sense of control, or to simply feel something, anything or in an attempt to be liked, wanted, included, desired, or accepted.

Life experience has taught me that for one to fully thrive in life and reach their true potential, it takes inner work and the love and support of other people (a village), and that village doesn’t necessarily need to be large. Finding and choosing to surround yourself with individuals who have a breadth of life experience, wisdom, skills, and personalities, and who are further down the road than you are. Whilst such individuals do not have your answers because that is for you to figure out, they have experienced a much vaster terrain and have gained wisdom that you can draw on to support you in finding your path, one that feels true for you, and in reaching your unique potential. That is empowering and that is powerful because it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.

“It’s easy to stand in the crowd but it takes courage to stand alone.” – Mahatma Gandhi